We like Doctor Who. A lot. Damon jokes that I'm in love with David Tennant. I think that what appeals to me most is that he always gives the bad guy a choice, and even when all seems lost, he is happy and upbeat. I also like the tortured loneliness, it appeals to my desire to save things.
On that note, I have a problem. I want to save the world. I take other people's problems and make them my own. I take the problems of the world and make them my own, and then I get sick. As this week has evidenced. I have tried to help a friend, and learned again the very hard lesson that I cannot change anyone. Only the Spirit and the Lord can truly change another person's heart. I don't know why I can't get that through my head. I am even a Mental Health Counseling major. Maybe that's because I think if I have the knowledge, the expertise, maybe then people will listen to me, and I can really help. In the end though, we all get to choose, and most of the time we don't choose right. Even I make that mistake over and over. Good thing we can be forgiven, learn from the mistake and try again.
On a brighter note, I get to go back to school in April. I get to finish my Master's degree, which has me totally psyched. Tee hee.
Economics, family dynamics, and all that played a role in my decision to finish, but mostly I just love the learning. I love learning about people, how they think, and how to analyze that. There is a misconception that psychologists analyze those around them all the time. I think most psychologists actually spend most of their time analyzing themselves. My husband also jokes that all psychology majors are crazy, which in my case can be considered partly true. Taking on the problems of the world is a bit crazy, but noble.
In the end degrees, work, projects, other peoples projects are all just ways to bide time while I wait for the true project of adoption, and growing our family. I am not good at waiting, and this helps me bide the time a bit more patiently. Lest I get backlash from this, half my projects include Benjamin. However, he goes to school in the fall, and I am preparing for that time when I will not have him around to keep me busy. I have to be able to let him be himself and grow up without losing myself in his life. Damon is better at that than I, but he gets to go to work. He is defined by his work. Women are often defined by their children, and with only one, that is a scary thought. He is an amazing child, but I don't want to define him, nor be defined by him. We are individuals, and while I am his mother, he has his own choices, and life to lead. I want to facilitate that, not drive it. So projects, school, and world problems here I come. Benjamin is well on his way to being an amazing individual, and he doesn't need me to hover. Hopefully all this learning will make me that much of a better parent to him and the next child.
